what happens when you try to arrange a wedding in five weeks

Last year I suggested we actually do it some time. I was on a beach, he was in the pub
Last year I suggested we actually do it some time. I was on a beach, he was in the pub

I have been with The Man for nearly 10 years. He has been threatening to marry me for many of those years. However, having been married three times already between us, it’s never been a priority. The fact that he has out-lasted both my previous marraiges put together has also lessened the need.

But about six weeks ago, I realised that my driving license had expired (check yours guys – I had no idea!), and it was in my previous married name. So, I was going to have to change my name on it.

I made the comment that “I wasn’t going to chnage my name on it now, just to change it again in a coouple of years time”, and with that, we went to the registry office and booked “The first Saturday available”. Which was last Saturday.

The Girl has been obsessed with us getting married eventually, and has mentioned it at least three times a week – even more so after her dad remarried. So, we obviously wanted her there, but apart from that, I’m not particularly into weddings, and I don’t like dressing up, and everything just seemed like too much fuss and bother. However, I LOVE a party!  I was in a quandry as to what to do.

So, I asked a wonderfully skilled friend if he would make our rings, to make it more personal and unique.  Him and his partner were the first outside our family to know.  Then, we finally relented and said family and closest friends could come along.  However, in ordeer to keep the amount of wedding chat to a minimum, I only told the girl 6 days beforehand when I had to take her out to get a dress!


I booked the ‘wedding breakfast’ in the back room at the Village Kitchen – Hanna and the team couldn’t have been more accommodating, and we gave the kitchen a resounding round of applause on the day.  Do check it out some time guys if you haven’t already – we had nothing but great comments from people.


The party had to be over the Rose & Crown, and I decided to get a karaoke and a photo booth. The wonderful people of Open Booths were amazing, and it really was a highlight of the evening – I highly recommend getting a photo booth for some brilliant memorable pics of your loved ones, and the Open Booth gives you so much more scope for merriment.


But then the other highlight was our cake.

After seeing a Wizard of Oz cake that he’d made for his neice, I asked my lovely friend Darren if he would be interested in making me an anti-wedding cake that was Walthamstow themed. He jumped at the chance and the conspiring began.  Originally, I had asked for me & The Man sitting on top of a pile of abandoned mattri (Walthamstow is famous for its abandoned mattresses, don’t ya know?) but it became so much more than that. It features our favourite places, our cats, The Girl, Warren Sreet station where we met (even though it’s obviously not Walthamstow where we were both living at the time), panda bowl man, pigeons. It was an absolute work of art. A showstopper – made clear by the amount of time people took taking photos of it when we brought it out. I can’t thank Darren enough!


All in all, given the amount of time I had to do it in, I think it was a bloody good day, and I am so grateful to every single person who came and shared our day. I wouldn’t have had it any other way – certainly not with months of stress and planning!

third time lucky

I guess I should mention my ‘news’ from 25th August.  The top was written in the sand by me at Porto De Mos in the Algarve.  The bottom was my reply from The Man from the Rose & Crown pub in Walthamstow 🙂

Proposal in the sand

We were kind of planning it for next year, but hit a little bit of a hitch as I hate weddings.  I couldn’t have the wedding that I actually wanted, so it was really just goign to be a ‘Lets have a big party and ask everyone we love’ kind of thing.  Us getting married isn’t a new idea, we just haven’t bothered because I haven’t seen the point of doing it if we couldn’t do what we wanted…but then in the summer, things shifted a bit and I kind of thought ‘Why the hell not’ – the idea of being married is quite nice, it was just the idea of GETTING married that I hated.

And then a couple of weeks ago, I found out that they have relaxed marriage laws, so there is a chance that we can actually have the wedding that we want.  With that as a goal, we are going to plan it for 2014 to give enough time to save money and plan it properly without rushing and becominf Bridezillas (he loves Don’t Tell The Bride, so I think he could be worse than me!)

I found this entry in an old diary I had from January 2005.  Yes, that is how long ago me & The Man decided this was ‘it’!

The thing is, I want something ‘non-conformist’ for my wedding. I don’t like weddings really. I’ve done the big meringue thing and I’ve done the arriving at work late and saying “Can you call me Mrs F now please, sorry I’m late, I just got married”-thing, with noone else there (apart from my ex-SIL and the lovely Lorna).

I want something more ‘me’, more Andy. Something more……….earthy.

I want to get married in a forest at midnight with twinkling lights and be wearing fairy wings. I want drums. I want my friends to be with us…..I’m not that worried about my family – I expect that I’ll have to do some kind of blessing or do or something for them, but that’s not the important bit, it will be for them, not for us, not what’s important to us!!

But where do I start??

Another idea that I have had is that we can hire a ‘cottage’ in a forest that will atke about 24 of us for a weekend. I even have somewhere in mind as I stayed there once…..but where do you get a priest from?

but think of my grandchildren!

She doesn't help herself appear intelligent really, does she?

I had so many plans for this weekend, but they were all put paid to by my daughter being a complete argumentative bitch all week.  There was no way that she was going to get any ‘treats’ after her behaviour – and especially not go out today as I was planning.

Unfortunately, punishing her in turn punishes me, as it means that *I* can’t go out and play and enjoy myself as I have to stay in with her.  Boo!

Luckily I’d been out a couple of times during the week, and it had been an extremely mentally-challenging week too, so I haven’t felt TOO hard done by – and The Man said that we can go out next weekend and do what we were planning ourselves while she is spending the weekend with her dad!

Her punishment yesterday wa sto have to completely tidy up her room (something I’ve been shouting about for the past couple of weeks with no actions made apart from hiding all the mess behind a chair).  Her punishment today was to clean the car – but that kind of backfired as she LOVED it!  She felt like she’d been given a special treat or something.

Anyway, at one stage today, she came in to me, looking extremely serious and said “Mum, are you busy?”.  “No, why?”.  And then she whipped one of her shoes out from behind her back and shouted “Because me and my shoe are going to get married, and I wondered if you wanted to be a bridesmaid!”

I just sat there and stared at her, gobsmacked.

“What? What’s the matter?  Mum? Mum, why aren’t you saying anything? Mum!!”

And THEN she really made me laugh.  “Oh you’ve got no soul!”….short pause…”Unlike my shoe, of course!”

Should I give up now?

half a life away

Hello Mag cover from the day I got married!

Today is my unniversary.  That is, it is the anniversary of the day I first got married – but seeing as we have been divorced for year, it isn’t really an anniversary.

However, it is NINETEEN YEARS since the day I first got married, and this in itself is something worth noting, as that means it is literally half my lifetime ago (yes, i really am that old).

When I think of my first 19 years, the last 19 seem to have dragged by in comparison.  or maybe it’s just that so much has happened – after all, I’ve spent 11 of them as a mother, which isn’t exactly easy going.  I have got married twice and divorced twice, and spent longer with The Man than I spent with either of my husbands.  Oh yes, and I actually properly love him an’ all – although I try not to admit that to his face.

I have had my annoying cat for OVER half my life.  actually, the post I linked there is one of the most read on my blog for some reason.  people keep searching on ‘London cat lady’ which worries me.  and I love that photo of her 🙂

In another 19 years I’ll be 57 and that seems REALLY old – although younger than my parents are, and that doesn’t particularly seem to be that old – considering they’re so childish.

I’m not sure whether it’s just because of my ongoing insomnia, but I am feeling a lot older than I am at the moment.  I don’t like that – I like feeling younger than my years.  I think I just need a few good night’s sleep and then I’ll be fine!  Or (more likely) I need a holiday, which I haven’t had for a LONG time.  I even tried looking for a holiday for the three of us next summer, and gave up because looking for a holiday was stressing me out!

Anyway – 19 years ago today, I got married.  I had a proper meringue dress and a Zandra Rhodes headdress and a blue garter and a gorgeous bridesmaid and a beautiful 1932 Daimler and I sat on my bed before I left my parent’s house and asked God to forgive me for what I was about to do as I knew it was terribly wrong.

He was (and still is) a lovely guy…but he was always just too , I dunno, ‘straight’ for me.  Quite proper.  Good stock and all that, nice bloke, intelligent, absolutely gorgeous looking but very very ‘straight’.  I was a bit too naughty and rebellious for him.  Something had to give.  He ironed his socks FFS!

I ended up with him because I was running away.  But that is another story.

Today, I will ponder over half my life.  And then hopefully I will sleep!

being committed – anna maxted

Being Committed - Anna Maxted

This was another book that I found in my bookcase a couple of months ago that I have never read before.

Oddly, it had a big 3 for $50 label on the front and was priced up at $22.50.  Again, it didn’t have a charity shop price, and I have never been to the US, so I have no idea where it came from. However, I was surprised at how much it cost in the US!

Anyway, from the cover, I knew that it was going to be a run of the mill chick-lit story, but was actually surprised by the relative depth of writing.  There seemed to be a lot more layers to it than your average chick-lit.

Hannah’s long-term boyfriend proposes and throws her life into turmoil as the idea of marriage hasn’t even crossed her mind.  Grappling with the fact that she obviously has commitment issues, she is forced to face her past and try to get some closure on events in both her childhood and more recently.

I could really relate to the character of Hannah, even though I strongly deny being a commitophobe the many times I have been accused of it by The Man (and yes, he really does frequently accuse me of it!).

As I was reading, I could understand the decisions Hannah was making, or the feelings she was having, even though I didn’t necessarily agree with them!

A nice light read with a few hidden depths.  Easy to get through on the tube.  And it didn’t make me feel guilty at all.  honest!

mrs serafinowicz

Just in case you didn't know who he was in SOTD

Last night I had a dream…well, most probably it was actually this morning.

I dreamed that I had got married to Peter Serafinowicz.

What do you mean you’ve never heard of him.  of course you have.  He’s a very very funny man, dontcha know.  He has a blog, and he tweets a lot, mainly very funny stuff.  And he was of course the landlord in Shaun of the Dead.  “Ahhhhh, HIM!” I hear you say.

Anyway, for some reason or the other, I married him.  I remember being pretty happy about it (as he is cute of course) and there seemed to be a lot of sunshine.

I remember getting a bit upset because I had trouble spelling my surname, and i wasn’t very happy with my signature, and spent hours trying to get it right, but it just wasn’t happening.

Then he kept doing the zombie thing in the shower every morning, and the joke wore a bit thin.  Until one day I didn’t pull back the shower curtain and say “Oh ha ha” and he stayed there all day, and when I got home (from wherever the wife of Peter Serafinowicz goes) I opened the shower curtain and he really WAS a zombie.  And then I woke up (to BBC 6Music of course).

I mumbled to The Man “I just married Peter Serafinowicz…i’m sorry” and then Hot Chip’s ‘I Feel Better’ came on the radio, which bolted me awake with a shiver, as Peter Serafinowicz directed the video to that (I wanted to go down and be in the video when he was asking for screaming girls, but I was working 😦

You haven’t seen the video?  Well, I will post it below!  First of all, you DO know what Hot Chip look like, don’t you?

Hot Chip - talented, but not really pretty

I’m really looking forward to seeing them at Lovebox this year as I do like their stuff 🙂  You’ll understand why I posted their pic when you watch the vid.  Enjoy.

in the words of howard jones…

awww cutesy ootsy wuv hearts

…what is love anyway?  well, what is the deal with relationships, anyway.

I know that I have a lot of friends who think that I’m unromantic etc because of my attitude to Valentine’s Day and the such like.

I don’t think that this is true, as I said in my post, because I think that romance is a far more personal and thoughtful thing.

However, I know that I have another attitude to love and relationships that also doesn’t seem to be regarded as ‘normal’.  In fact, even though The Man knows my feelings, when we were chatting yesterday, he got into a major sulk about it (you have to remember he’s a great big strapping, brusque, scathing Northern lad, so his flounces, sulks and general sappiness always amuse me).

So, what is it that upsets him so much?  Given the choice, I would always prefer to be single than in a relationship.

He seems to take that personally, and I can’t actually get him to see that he should take it as a compliment.  Next month I will have been with him for 6 years, and that’s my longest relationship ever, and yet still he takes it as a personal insult!

I find being single far easier, and far freer.  I generally feel more in control of my life when I’m single.  I also don’t feel that I NEED to be in a relationship., and I have never believed that any relationship is ‘forever’.  Yes, I know getting married twice seems to contradict that, but then, I’ve been divorced twice too – so obviously I was right.

I’ve only ever ‘been in love’ twice (and that was neither of my hubbies), and apart from them (one of which is The Man, you’ll be pleased to know), I have always had A Reason to be with the person I’m with.  I don’t have A Reason to be with The Man (in fact there’s probably loads of reasons why I shouldn’t be with him, lol).  I choose to be with him because I love him.

He says I run away too easily, because I get out of relationships…he was in a passionless marriage for many many years.  I know which one I think is worse.

I know that I am in the nearest you get to a perfect relationship.  I know I am bloody lucky.  But I’m not going to kid myself that it will last ’til death us do part’ – who knows what’s around the corner?  If the love/passion fades, then I will not see the point in hanging about,  just co-existing.  And that is my point, I’d rather be single (and don’t think being single means being celibate – it totally doesn’t!!).

So surely he should feel really really happy that they are my feelings and I’m with him, rather than seeing it as a reason to sulk and call me a commitophobe!

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