We were watching Cake Boss yesterday (as you do – thanks to @jezza9 for pointing out its existence), and they were making little fondant icing people for a cake for someone called ‘Snooki’ and her mum – and very artisitcally I have to say.
They’d put their eye whites on, but hadn’t finished them and The Girl said “Ewww, they all look like zombies!”
“That’s because they haven’t put their pupils in yet”, I replied.
“I think they’d find it hard seeing through 30 children”, she answered.
And I hate to admit, it took me at least 5 seconds to realise just how witty she’d been. Before I groaned.
The Girl just ate a rather large and rather juicy pear. I made her eat it over a bowl, obviously – and good job I did. Pear juice everywhere.
When she stood up to wash her hands, she said “Awww, look at the little pear corpse” and then disappeared into the bathroom.
When she came out, she picked up the bowl, held it piously and said “Dear little pear, I would like to apologise for your demise to your family and friends. You were very yummy, and I will remember you always.”
I looked at her. “Are you really having a funeral for a pear?”. She giggled and ran off to the wheelie bin.
When she came back in, she said “The pearuneral has ended, the remains of the pear have been buried deep within the bowels of our bin.”
I worry about her – but she really does have a good vocabulary.
Yesterday, when The Girl got home from school, she called me up at work.
“I have a little announcement I need to make”, she told me.
“Really?”, I giggled, “an announcement, is it?”
“Yes”, she replied very seriously, and then proceeded to tell me all about the fact that she’d done very well in a French test, and the whole lesson, and had been given a ‘Star of the Week’ award from her teacher.
It was all very sweet, and I was extremely proud of her, but it made me totally crack up the way that she told me so formally.
Part of me was expecting her to say, “Announcement ends” when she’d finished!
So, the other night, I gave my nan and uncle a buzz to check whether there was anything they particularly wanted for Christmas.
My uncle has lived with my nan all his life, and he must be about 64 by now, but (apart from my parents) he always has been (and always will be) my favourite member of my family.
He’s like a proper Victor Meldrew, moaning about absolutely everything and everyone, but in a very very funny way.
So, I was talking about some presenter or the other (it has completely gone out of my head who it was now) and he said “Oh, blimey, I can’t STAND her!! She annoys me so much – she’s so egotistical!”, I was a little taken aback as he was so vehement with it, and then he said, “I’ll tell you who else I can’t stand…that stupid bitch who’s always sticking something in a pot!”.
I paused for a moment, wracked my brain and eventually ventured, “…Nigella Lawson…???”
We went to a very good friend’s wedding in Salisbury at the weekend (and very lovely it was too!).
This meant that the three of us had to share a hotel room for two nights – this could’ve gone either way – either quality time together as a family, or a complete nightmare!
Luckily, The Girl was being lovely, and up to her most entertainingest!
On the first night, she had a shower. having a cast on her arm, this actually meant that I had to put a carrier bag on her arm, with an elastic band round it, and *I* had to shower her and wash her hair.
So, after her shower, I was drying her hair and she was wearing just her knickers, looking in the mirror, watching me. And suddenly out of nowhere she sings:
“With a plaster on her arm and messy hair, and wearing nothing but her underwear…it’s UNDERPANT GIRL!!!”
There was even a dance that went with it. Oh yes, there was.
If that wasn’t treat enough, the next morning, we were telling her how quickly she’d gone to sleep, after complaining that she wouldn’t be able to sleep with the TV on.
Me: You were asleep in just 5 minutes, doing little cat snores
The Girl: I don’t snore!!
The Man: yes you do. We were putting spiders in your mouth.
TG: No you didn’t!
TM: How do you know, you were asleep!
TG: Well, I don’t even care if you did – I eat about 3 spiders a year in my sleep anyway. We all do.
Me: That’s true enough
TG: I wonder why they do that. Do they just walk along and think “Oh, that’s a nice dark hole, I think I’ll go and look in there…oh dear, I’m getting digested…oh no, I’m poo.” 😦