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Posts Tagged ‘funny’

so funny i nearly wet myself ;)

September 23, 2013 Leave a comment
The Girl @ Afternoon Tea yesterday

The Girl @ Afternoon Tea yesterday

So, yesterday I took The Girl out for some girlie time, and that started with one of our favourite things – afternoon tea (which I will blog about later).

So, there we were in a rather nice dining room, and she excused herself to go to the ladies room.  When she came back, she was all excited.

TG: Mum, you just HAVE to go to the loo in here!

Me: Maybe

TG: No, you HAVE to. They’re REALLY swanky!

Me: OK, I probably will soon

TG: No. Honestly. Listen. Listen to your bladder. Your bladder is telling you “Go to the toilet”. Listen to your bladder Mum!

Me (standing up, defeated): OK. Where is it then?

TG: *reaches out and rubs my belly area* I’m not sure, just about here I think. *collapses into giggles*

Oh yes. She’s very funny my daughter. Quick too.

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fifty shades of gravy: the cookbook – i m pliant

February 20, 2013 Leave a comment

Fifty Shades Of Gravy

I was contacted by one of the authors of this little book of delights due to my review of THAT book. (If you hadn’t already guessed, I M Pliant isn’t a real person…shame!)

This is a perfect stocking filler (ooer) or Secret Santa style gift – especially for those women who loved (or hated) THAT book.  In fact, when I showed it to a couple of the guys at work, they wanted to get it for friends.

As with all recipe books, it is split into sections – cocktails, canapes, light bites, big dinners and desserts.  Every single recipe has its own double entendre title. Posh Tart With Crabs, Gently Jerked Pork, Force Meat In The Hole, The Disappointing Chipolata, Game For Anything Pie…the list goes on 🙂

Every recipe also comes with its own description – which is generally highly entertaining…funny rather than erotic (a bit like Fifty Shades of Grey).  For example, within the recipe for “A Quick Hand Shandy” we have a fun tip: “As your Hand Shandy is in the making, daydream about jugs – try and serve up frothy pint’s worth in an old man’s style dimpled ‘jug’ glass or ‘working man’s tankard (sometimes called a ‘Wankard’).”

Many of the recipes themselves, far from being just for fun sound extremely tasty.  I quite fancy the idea of munching on Swollen Purple Bell Ends. Yum!

If I have any crticism at all, I think it would be that it seems to have been put together by blokes as the dessert section seems to be for the puns rather than the dishes which feel a little less inventive and yummy-sounding than the other sections.  But hey, it’s worth it for the laughs.

I thoroughly recommend it – maybe not as a pressie for your mum, but for that mate that loved THAT book and you felt obviously needed more in their life 😉

There are no pictures of the glorious products of these recipes, but then some things really are better left to the imagination. Aren’t they?

right down to the toes

January 26, 2013 Leave a comment

I was sitting down with The Girl, catching up on the week’s Got To Dance.  The Man goes to the pub every Saturday afternoon, and we often spend that time watching stuff he’d shout about if he was here because we ALL know that it’s really awful and that we shouldn’t be watching it.  But hey, I can’t watch gritty Scandiwegian dramas all the time, can I?

Anyway, she suddenlt said “how do they do that? I can’t even touch my toes!”  this, from my 13 year old, skinny-minnie, gangly-limbed daughter.

“You can’t touch your toes?!” I asked, “What do you mean you can’t touch your toes? you’re 13! you’re meant to be at your most flexible!  Even *I* can touch my toes no problem”

“Go on then!” she told me. so I immediately stood up, bent down, leg’s straight and touched my toes straight away. Easy-peasy!

“Oh My GOD!” she screamed “How did you DO that? At YOUR age? What kind of sorcery IS that?”

OK, so she was impressed – I don’t blame her, I AM over 40, but “At YOUR age?” Pah!

a bit of a buzz

January 8, 2013 2 comments

As per my previous posts, my wonderful 95 year-old nan was finally allowed out of hospital on 2nd Jan.  On Saturday, she was feeling a little perkier, so my mum decided to finally pretend it was mini-Christmas.

My nan has a little radio next to her bed that she listens to LBC on every day.  For some ‘old person’ reason it isn’t a mains radio, it’s battery-powered!  So, for a silly present, my mum and dad had bought a great big long vacuum pack of batteries.

As my mum handed it to her, she said, “This is a bit of a joke present mum, and be careful as it’s a little heavy.” My nan took one look at it and said, “Is it a vibrator?”

Once she’d opened it and my parents had picked themselves up off the floor, dried their eyes and re-stitched their poor spilt sides, my nan said, “I don’t know why on earth I said that – I don’t even know what one looks like!”

Oh I think she knows. I think she knows.

She’s still totally switched on. She’s still sharp as a tack.  Unfortunately her little old body isn’t wearing up quite as well. She’s been very ill since coming out of hospital, but has been crying at the very thought of going back again – which she needs to, but still wouldn’t actually cure her.  So we have to respect her wishes and not take her back.

Yesterday the doctor said that it could be a week, or it could be a miracle and be a month.  I’m off to see her tomorrow to drink her and all her loveliness and funniness up.  And I wont let her see me cry at all.

still in the building

December 13, 2012 1 comment

Old ladies just keep going!

So, further to my post last night about my nan, she is surprisingly and miraculously a little better today.

Even more miraculous, her youngest sister went into hospital almost 2 weeks ago, very critically ill.  She got a little better but on Monday suddenly took a severe turn for the worse and was only being kept alive by machines.

We didn’t tell her about my nan, or my nan about her.  On tuesday, the doctor said that he could try these very expensivce drugs to see if they would kick-start her system, but could only put her on them for a maximum of 2 weeks.

She went home yesterday quite happy!  The women in my family are troopers!

Anyway, my nan has been continuing being her wonderful amusing self.

As she’s been hallucinating a lot, when the doctor did his round today he asked her if she knew who he was.

She rolled her eyes and answered, “Yeah – Elvis” and then burst into fits of laughter.

Love my nan. 🙂

mrs potato head

November 11, 2012 1 comment

Mrs Potato Head

I have a lot of old diary / blog entries on a site that is going to be discontinued, and I am looking through trying to save some of my more poignant thoughts etc from then.

I have to admit, I remember this particular moment with The Girl extremely vividly.  This was in April 2003, when she wasn’t even four years old.

I wanted to post it here as I’d like to keep it with myother  ‘Conversations With My Daughter’.

I love my munchkin – she’s great. I’ve been having a hard time with her recently due to the ‘Dummy Fairies’ coming and taking all her dummies away (and leaving her a Barbie scooter I hasten to add), and also she can’t seem to get her head around going to bed when it’s not dark.

Anyway – that’s all boring really, the long and short of it is that she’s been getting out of bed a lot lately, when she shouldn’t be! this has been causing me a lot of stress.

Last night she was sick, poor lamb, and that wore her out so much that she went straight to bed, straight to sleep and didn’t get up again until about 6.45am

She climbed into bed with me, gave me a great big cuddle and kiss. It was lovely. She wrapped her arms around me, put her head on my shoulder and looked into my eyes. She looked so perfect, and after the last few nights of me ripping my hair out, it was a wondeful moment in the sunlight thru the curtains. I wanted to just capture it.

Munchkin: I was a good girl last night mummy
Me: I know you were darling, you were very good
Munchkin: I stayed in bed all night
Me: I know babe, you were very good
Munchkin: And I didn’t get up and you didn’t have to shout at me
Me: I know darling, you made me very very happy last night

We hugged a bit more and I looked at her and she was glowing and smiley.

Me: You are SO beautiful
Munchkin: And you’re beautiful too mummy

Then she pointed with her finger right on my chin

Munchkin: That looks like a potato!!!!!!

Classic!

cheeky bint

August 27, 2012 4 comments

So, The Girl was messing around in the pool while I was reading next to her.

TG:  Mum – I just did an awesome front-flip!
Me:  Front flip?
TG:  You know, where you roll over in the water
Me:  What? Like a tumble-turn?
TG:  Front-flip, tumble-turn, whatever you used to call it in the old days.

She’ll be bloody well front-flipping down a hill if she keeps that up!!

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