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so funny i nearly wet myself ;)

September 23, 2013 Leave a comment
The Girl @ Afternoon Tea yesterday

The Girl @ Afternoon Tea yesterday

So, yesterday I took The Girl out for some girlie time, and that started with one of our favourite things – afternoon tea (which I will blog about later).

So, there we were in a rather nice dining room, and she excused herself to go to the ladies room.  When she came back, she was all excited.

TG: Mum, you just HAVE to go to the loo in here!

Me: Maybe

TG: No, you HAVE to. They’re REALLY swanky!

Me: OK, I probably will soon

TG: No. Honestly. Listen. Listen to your bladder. Your bladder is telling you “Go to the toilet”. Listen to your bladder Mum!

Me (standing up, defeated): OK. Where is it then?

TG: *reaches out and rubs my belly area* I’m not sure, just about here I think. *collapses into giggles*

Oh yes. She’s very funny my daughter. Quick too.

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when pride outweighs disgust

July 5, 2013 3 comments

A typical young teen?

My daughter seems to be going through a completely skanky stage at the moment.  Her room is the grossest thing I have ever seen.  She seems to be allergic to washing and brushing her teeth and tried to ‘con’ me into believing that she has done these things.

I have been completely worried about it, although I do vaguely remember a similar period in my childhood, but after speaking to friends whose girls are more than a couple of years older than her, and it seems that there definitely seems to be this kind of period that girls go through, at the time when they most shouldn’t!

Anyway, that was a little background to my exchange with her this morning, where my pride kind of broke through my general disgust of her lately.

Me: “You’re wearing that jumper again! Three days I’ve pointed out to you that it’s got dirt down it, and you’ve put it on yet again! You’ve got clean jumpers in your room!”
Girl: “Nobody notices Mum.”
Me:  “*I* notice. YOU should notice!  How do you know NOBODY notices?”
Girl: “Nobody’s said anything about it.”
Me: “Not to your face maybe!”
Girl: “And why should I care what they say behind my back?”
Me: *dumbstruck* *slight awe* *love*
Girl: “See ya!”

a menace to society?

January 31, 2013 Leave a comment

I will admit there are some similarities in the hair. I also had a black dog!

On Tuesday, I walked with The Girl from the station to my nan’s house for her funeral.  It was the first time we had gone there together by public transport, and the walk from the station round ‘the back way’ is rather convoluted down alleys and odd streets.

The Girl was wondering how I remembered the way, and I became rather poignant when I told her that I’d been making that journey on and off since I was tiny and I suddenly realised that it was a journey I probably would never make again.

I then told her some other childhood stories of the area, including that the post box outside my nan’s also held familial memories. Me and my two cousins always got told off for climbing on it with the local kids, as it was a position of authority to be able to sit, and (even better) stand on top of it.  And what’s more, my mum and her brother and sister had done exactly the same thing!

TG: How did you get up there?
Me: Duh! We climbed onto it – it was a knack
TG: And you got told off if you got caught
Me:  Yeah, and that always happened as it was outside nan’s living room window. it stupid of us all really now I think about it – we must’ve liked to live dangerously
TG: And did you get punished?
Me: Well, we were shouted at and sometimes called in
TG:  And did they tweak your ear?
Me: What?! Who?!
TG:  The grown-ups, when they caught you. Did they tweak your ear and drag you back inside?
Me: *look of disdain* I did NOT grow up in a Beano comic!!!!

*The Girl collapses into laughter*

right down to the toes

January 26, 2013 Leave a comment

I was sitting down with The Girl, catching up on the week’s Got To Dance.  The Man goes to the pub every Saturday afternoon, and we often spend that time watching stuff he’d shout about if he was here because we ALL know that it’s really awful and that we shouldn’t be watching it.  But hey, I can’t watch gritty Scandiwegian dramas all the time, can I?

Anyway, she suddenlt said “how do they do that? I can’t even touch my toes!”  this, from my 13 year old, skinny-minnie, gangly-limbed daughter.

“You can’t touch your toes?!” I asked, “What do you mean you can’t touch your toes? you’re 13! you’re meant to be at your most flexible!  Even *I* can touch my toes no problem”

“Go on then!” she told me. so I immediately stood up, bent down, leg’s straight and touched my toes straight away. Easy-peasy!

“Oh My GOD!” she screamed “How did you DO that? At YOUR age? What kind of sorcery IS that?”

OK, so she was impressed – I don’t blame her, I AM over 40, but “At YOUR age?” Pah!

a bit of a buzz

January 8, 2013 2 comments

As per my previous posts, my wonderful 95 year-old nan was finally allowed out of hospital on 2nd Jan.  On Saturday, she was feeling a little perkier, so my mum decided to finally pretend it was mini-Christmas.

My nan has a little radio next to her bed that she listens to LBC on every day.  For some ‘old person’ reason it isn’t a mains radio, it’s battery-powered!  So, for a silly present, my mum and dad had bought a great big long vacuum pack of batteries.

As my mum handed it to her, she said, “This is a bit of a joke present mum, and be careful as it’s a little heavy.” My nan took one look at it and said, “Is it a vibrator?”

Once she’d opened it and my parents had picked themselves up off the floor, dried their eyes and re-stitched their poor spilt sides, my nan said, “I don’t know why on earth I said that – I don’t even know what one looks like!”

Oh I think she knows. I think she knows.

She’s still totally switched on. She’s still sharp as a tack.  Unfortunately her little old body isn’t wearing up quite as well. She’s been very ill since coming out of hospital, but has been crying at the very thought of going back again – which she needs to, but still wouldn’t actually cure her.  So we have to respect her wishes and not take her back.

Yesterday the doctor said that it could be a week, or it could be a miracle and be a month.  I’m off to see her tomorrow to drink her and all her loveliness and funniness up.  And I wont let her see me cry at all.

still in the building

December 13, 2012 1 comment

Old ladies just keep going!

So, further to my post last night about my nan, she is surprisingly and miraculously a little better today.

Even more miraculous, her youngest sister went into hospital almost 2 weeks ago, very critically ill.  She got a little better but on Monday suddenly took a severe turn for the worse and was only being kept alive by machines.

We didn’t tell her about my nan, or my nan about her.  On tuesday, the doctor said that he could try these very expensivce drugs to see if they would kick-start her system, but could only put her on them for a maximum of 2 weeks.

She went home yesterday quite happy!  The women in my family are troopers!

Anyway, my nan has been continuing being her wonderful amusing self.

As she’s been hallucinating a lot, when the doctor did his round today he asked her if she knew who he was.

She rolled her eyes and answered, “Yeah – Elvis” and then burst into fits of laughter.

Love my nan. 🙂

“oooo, young man!”

December 12, 2012 2 comments

“Oooo, young man”

I don’t want to say too much at the moment, as it will all make me cry, but my gorgeous 95 year-old nan is currently in hospital pretty critically ill.

The main characteristic of my nan is that even at her massive age, she totally has her wits about her.

When she went into hospital in the ambulance on Friday, the nurse said her, “So how do you feel?”, and my nan answered “With my hands!”

Anyway, the last 48 hours have been especially difficult for us as because of what’s wrong with her, the toxins in her system (not meds) have been making her hallucinate and feel confused.  it has made for some laughable moments (as you can imagine), but it is also very scary.

However, sometimes her moments of lucidity are just as amusing.  This evening, while she was slipping in and out of consciousness, she suddenly declared “Oh, if I was forty years younger!”

“What nan? What would you do if you were forty years younger?”

“That doctor”

“What doctor?”

“Peter.  He comes and looks at my feet. He’s a lovely young man. If I was forty years younger!”

And then she slipped off again with a little smile on her face.

Love my nan. There’s still life in the old dog yet.

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