I looked up 'sexy lobster'. I got this. I'm not so sure!

OK – so I had this extremely bizarre dream last night that took me ages to pull out of this morning.

For some reason, I had been hired to be Britney Spears’ PA, and I had to pick out an outfit for her to wear at some gig or the other.  I remember walking through this maze of corridors to get to her, and then ending up in this room where she was sitting there, bitching and gossiping along with a group of very slutty loooking girls.  And the things she was saying were enough to make your toes curl!  Well, MY toes, anyway

I gave her the outfit, and she was really dismissive and then said “I’ll need you back here by 7!”

So, I went along to my next job, which was PA to Lady Gaga (yes, I know!).  And she was about to do an afternoon gig, and had a load of people fussing all round her, but she took a load of time to say hi to me and introduce a few people, and then said that she was a dancer short for the show – and could I swim, which I can.

I was given this odd red costume that made me look like a sexy lobster, and the whole set was done in a swimming pool, with her singing on a trapeze that was going back and forth above the water.  I was in a group of three ‘swancers’ along with Mel C for some reason, who I was having a good giggle with, as we made our way around the pool.

When the gig was over, I got changed and looked at my watch, only to realise that I was never going to make it back to Britney in time!

I run all the way there, jumping over fences and hedges Ferris Bueller style – for some reason I didn’t have a car, but I was 10 minutes too late.

So, there i was, standing outside this large stadium, and there was a banner up, across the whole of one wall that read “Sonia, you are fired, and I have got a superinjunction out on you!”

Why can’t I just go back to the dreams I usually have where dead bodies wash up on the beach of an island I’m stranded on?

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