I was talking to an old friend yesterday and was reminded of an embarrassing instance that I endured a few years ago, courtesy of The Girl.
We were shopping in the massive Asda at Leyton Mills (yes, I AM that much of a chav/that skint – delete as appropriate). The Girl was about 4 years old (so it’s going back a bit now) and was sitting in the little trolley seat while I was unloading the shopping at the till.
So, I was busily trying to get my huge shop finally out of the way (I hate shopping – especially the unloading/paying/packing bit when you’re a single mum of a small child!) and The Girl suddenly stage-whispered at me (the way small children do – whisper so that everyone around can hear) “LOOK MUMMY – WITCHES!!!”
Even then, I was quite used to her surrealism, so I kind of ignored her with something like an “OK darling” but she became quite insistent… “Mummy, really, behind you – WITCHES!!!”
I was still unloading the trolley, but glanced up and happened to notice the couple behind us AND a guy in the next queue doing that hand-over-mouth ‘I’m trying not to laugh’ thing, which concerned me. By this time The Girl was pointing exaggeratedly to the next queue behind me, so with great trepidation, I turned round.
And there, unloading THEIR shopping were a couple of Orthodox Jews.
“See Mummy!! I TOLD you there were WITCHES!!!!”
“They’re not witches sweetheart, stop pointing!” I was blushing furiously by this point, and the people around me had given up trying not to laugh and were sniggering away to themselves, much to my even greater discomfort.
“Yes they are, they’ve got the black hats and the long black dresses and EVERYTHING!!! Mummy they’re witches!!!” and just in case I wasn’t embarrassed enough, she started singing “Witchy witch witch, witchy witchy WITCHES!!!” at the top of her voice.
I was mortified. I probably overpaid for my shopping. i couldn’t bring myself to turn around and look at them again as there was no way they couldn’t have heard. I just had to get out of there as quick as I possibly could. One of the most difficult few minutes of my life. Ahhhh, this is why we have children.
I guess she has a point though 😉