in the words of howard jones…

awww cutesy ootsy wuv hearts

…what is love anyway?  well, what is the deal with relationships, anyway.

I know that I have a lot of friends who think that I’m unromantic etc because of my attitude to Valentine’s Day and the such like.

I don’t think that this is true, as I said in my post, because I think that romance is a far more personal and thoughtful thing.

However, I know that I have another attitude to love and relationships that also doesn’t seem to be regarded as ‘normal’.  In fact, even though The Man knows my feelings, when we were chatting yesterday, he got into a major sulk about it (you have to remember he’s a great big strapping, brusque, scathing Northern lad, so his flounces, sulks and general sappiness always amuse me).

So, what is it that upsets him so much?  Given the choice, I would always prefer to be single than in a relationship.

He seems to take that personally, and I can’t actually get him to see that he should take it as a compliment.  Next month I will have been with him for 6 years, and that’s my longest relationship ever, and yet still he takes it as a personal insult!

I find being single far easier, and far freer.  I generally feel more in control of my life when I’m single.  I also don’t feel that I NEED to be in a relationship., and I have never believed that any relationship is ‘forever’.  Yes, I know getting married twice seems to contradict that, but then, I’ve been divorced twice too – so obviously I was right.

I’ve only ever ‘been in love’ twice (and that was neither of my hubbies), and apart from them (one of which is The Man, you’ll be pleased to know), I have always had A Reason to be with the person I’m with.  I don’t have A Reason to be with The Man (in fact there’s probably loads of reasons why I shouldn’t be with him, lol).  I choose to be with him because I love him.

He says I run away too easily, because I get out of relationships…he was in a passionless marriage for many many years.  I know which one I think is worse.

I know that I am in the nearest you get to a perfect relationship.  I know I am bloody lucky.  But I’m not going to kid myself that it will last ’til death us do part’ – who knows what’s around the corner?  If the love/passion fades, then I will not see the point in hanging about,  just co-existing.  And that is my point, I’d rather be single (and don’t think being single means being celibate – it totally doesn’t!!).

So surely he should feel really really happy that they are my feelings and I’m with him, rather than seeing it as a reason to sulk and call me a commitophobe!


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