ch-ch-ch-changes

Far harder to give than 20p!

I am generally a pretty happy person.  I’m happy with my life, and as long as I feel good about getting up and going into work every day, and can eat, drink and have the occasional good time (ooer!) I’m definitely content.

However, every now and then I get those thoughts “Maybe one day I should get around to…”  or “I wonder whether I should…”

These are aspects of my personality/being that I generally accept as traits that make me ‘Me’, but just occasionally I wonder whether I should some time and effort into changing them.  Obviously in the past thirty-*ahem* years I haven’t been moved to, but I’m thinking that in an attempt to face those ghosts of ideas it would help me to get them down and out of my head!  So here goes (I’ve actually been working on this post in draft for days!).

I love a good crisis

This is just my own crises, I love it when other people have a crisis too.  I love problem-solving and I love psychology, and it gives me a chance to exercise both.  I always feel really energised at times of great trauma.  I can deal with huge problems – it’s the little ones I flap about.

I have no sense of adventure

I don’t feel the need to travel.  In fact, thinking about going ‘on holiday’ often fills me with an enormous sense of trepidation.  I spend the day before I go abroad in tears generally as the thought of being away upsets me.  This could have its roots in all sorts of past issues (eg how I never felt ‘at home’ during my childhood or first marriage) or could be my whole social phobia.  However, I always have a great time on holiday – it’s just the best part is that feeling when I’m on the home stretch, returning to London.

I hold a grudge

Oh I am a complete bugger for this.  It takes a LOT to get to me, my bullshit threshold is quite high (although has reduced over the years of course) but once you’ve disappointed me, upset me or pissed me off it would take a HELL of a lot of work for me to get over it.

I’m fat

Of course, a lot of this is because I have no metabolism, and I forget to take my pills (literally) half of the time, but it’s also because I love food.  All sorts of food.  and if something tastes good, I’ll want to eat more of it!  It’s also a bit because of the next issue.

I’m lazy

As I mentioned before, I love my home, I feel so…’at home’ I guess, and this often makes me loathe to be anywhere else!  I can quite happily stay indoors for a whole weekend.  If I lived alone, I’d probably feel different – when I was single I used to go out at least 4 times a week, even though my two best friends lived with me and in the next road!  Maybe I’m making up for years of excess!

I don’t believe in ‘forever’ / I always feel like running

The Man reckons I’m not a commitophobe, which I don’t agree with – however I don’t believe that we can be sure that any relationship (romantic or otherwise) will last forever, so I am loathe to make promises I can’t keep.  This is something I’ve accepted in myself since I split with husband #2.  And I feel happier for it.  Although I don’t think The Man feels the same way, LOL.  Unfortunately, when things aren’t going right, my first instinct is always to run away (probably a reason behind two divorces) and having a child makes this impossible, scaring me beyond belief!

I can be scathing about things I don’t agree with / I can’t be wrong

Oh I can be a bitch.  “Why the FUCK would you want to live in Milton Keynes?  Where’s the character?”  I’ve often said this to my friend who does.  “X Factor?  You really watch that shit karaoke show full of talentless nobodies?”.  “Don’t talk to me about bloody Christmas, commercial fucking nonsense!  No, don’t send me a bloody card!”.  Yes, well. If I don’t like it, it must be wrong, and I will argue it to the death!  Also, along the same lines, I find it hard to say I was wrong about something, and lose face!  not so much with friends, or at work, but definitely with The Man, it’s like admitting that the other one is better somehow – but as we both do it, is it that bad? 

I don’t confide easily / I’ll laugh everything off

I’ve mentioned before, the fact that I have ‘circles of friendship‘ and hardly anyone ever gets through to my inner circle.  I don’t like burdening people with my problems, I will hold them close to me and try to work them out by myself.  I didn’t even tell The Man when I thought the flat might get repossessed about 14 months ago as I didn’t want to upset him, and I didn’t want him to think I couldn’t cope.  I only told him the day I got a letter detailing the repossession timeline!  in my head, my problems are my own and noone else should have to deal with them.  If anyone does ask me things, I’ll generally laugh it off.

I’m painfully shy

Not with people I know obviously, but as mentioned before, it’s with new people.  I get scared witless talking to them, especially in a group.  A swift couple of vodkas usually solves it, but I shouldn’t really have to rely on Mr Smirnoff and his friends.  The Man amazes me, he will talk to anyone anywhere, but then hardly say a word in a group of close friends!

I have no qualifications / talents and have learned nothing new for years

I can’t ‘do’ anything!  I don’t play a musical instrument, speak another language (apart from schoolgirl French and a little sign language) and about the only thing I feel I have a natural talent for is cooking and writing, which aren’t exactly unique – and I’m not outstanding at either of them.  This mainly links in to me being lazy, and just wanting to have fun.  I also think I’m pretty good at human psychology, but in the way that I can predict how someone will act in a given situation, or how they will act when faced with something.  I always spend parties curled up on a  sofa or bed with someone I’ve met that night, sorting out their love-life etc, and getting really into their deep-set emotional issues.  I guess that may be a talent, but it’s nothing discernible really.

So – that’s me.  Not very pretty really when it’s all listed out like that, LOL…and I’m sure there’s other stuff that I haven’t put down.

However, as I mentioned, this is stuff that I know about myself, and have accepted about me – and I guess the people around me must have as well.  So all is not lost.

i can’t go out – i might as well sort out my love life

Internet dating SHOULD be done in your PJs or underwear!

OK, the title isn’t relevant to me obviously as I have The Man at home, and am quite happy with him.  I am referring to an article in The Telegraph last week which read:

Many businesses are suffering due to the snow, but here is one that is thriving – Mysinglefriend.com, the online dating agency founded by TV presenter Sarah Beeny.

According to the company, the first Sunday of 2010 saw a 140pc increase in people signing up to its service, compared to the previous weekend. By last Sunday this figure had increased to 290pc. Beeny says that January is always the busiest month for the site but describes the current surge as “unprecedented”.

“Who knew the snow could ignite our passion for love? Perhaps it’s the thought of snuggling up to someone you fancy,” she says.

Traffic to Mysinglefriend increased by 55pc last week, with browsing time peaking at 3pm rather than the traditional post-pub 10pm. This means one of two things – that more single people than usual were off work last week because of the weather, or that people have started to log-on to the site at work. I suspect the former.

Further, Beeny said that sign-ups last week built steadily over the course of the week, a reversal of the normal trend whereby sign-ups tail off on Fridays and Saturdays as people head out the for night.

Although pubs are no doubt suffering because of the cold snap, Mysinglefriend.com is clearly making hay while the snow falls.

Now, in my time I became pretty internet dating savvy – at least I’d like to think that I did!  It’s something that I did from the mid-late 90s, and how I met The Man and also The Girl’s dad.  Of course, there were a whole host of other guys that I met with varying degrees of  ‘success’ – but I have always prided myself on never being surprised by someone being different in person to exactly how I thought they would be.  Of course, that doesn’t just go for the dating side of things, I’ve made quite a lot of friends from the internet over the last 15 years or so too – and the only freaks I’ve found are ones that I have met in a group situation that I would never have met one-to-one.

So, if I was single, would the snow be more likely to make me join another dating site – hell yes!  If you’re stuck indoors, you’re going to try out new things, and that might just be trying out a new dating site compared to ones that you’ve been using in the past, or just trying internet dating for the first time!  Also, the fact that last weekend (not the one just gone) was the first full weekend that was likely to be more sober after the New Year would probably have soemthing to do with it, I reckon.

In a survey conducted by CitySocialising at the turn of the year, found that 22% of people making New Year’s resolution listed ‘Find true love’ as one, making it the 5th most popular resolution choice – rising to 4th in Londoners.  I suppose it would be higher for Londoners as it’s very much a young city with more single people than the rest of the country I guess.

So, not surprising that the first full weekend, more people would be turning to dating sites is it?

I’m glad that the stigma attached to internet dating finally seems to have abated really – when I was first doing it, people were still really shocked that I met ‘normal’ people – but I always stood by my idea that the people meeting freaks on the internet were the people who met freaks in pubs, clubs or anywhere else – they were just crap at filtering out the nobs and weirdos.

In 2000, I was contacted by a journalist and featured in an article about internet dating in Ms London (remember that free mag Londoners?) and I even wrote a weekly column for a women’s magazine website called Chocolate back in the same year about internet dating.

Ahhh, the good old days.  I do miss the thrill of it all.  It was a really exciting time, and reinforced the fact that I love meeting people (even though new groups give me the jitters as I mentioned before, I still put myself through it), and I am very very very happy being single.

Of course, I stupidly ended up meeting someone on uDate who I knew within 3 seconds of meeting that it was going to be for good, and I had to deal with the sinking feeling of knowing that my dating days were going to be over, just buoyed a bit by knowing I was going to have a bit of stability.  and yes, for the unbelievers out there (of which I am one), yes.  It really really was that instant.

And that was 6 years ago.  I guess that I am officially ‘out of the loop’ when it comes to current dating knowledge!  Am I allowed to wish that I was still ‘on the scene’, or does that just sound bad?