half a life away

Hello Mag cover from the day I got married!

Today is my unniversary.  That is, it is the anniversary of the day I first got married – but seeing as we have been divorced for year, it isn’t really an anniversary.

However, it is NINETEEN YEARS since the day I first got married, and this in itself is something worth noting, as that means it is literally half my lifetime ago (yes, i really am that old).

When I think of my first 19 years, the last 19 seem to have dragged by in comparison.  or maybe it’s just that so much has happened – after all, I’ve spent 11 of them as a mother, which isn’t exactly easy going.  I have got married twice and divorced twice, and spent longer with The Man than I spent with either of my husbands.  Oh yes, and I actually properly love him an’ all – although I try not to admit that to his face.

I have had my annoying cat for OVER half my life.  actually, the post I linked there is one of the most read on my blog for some reason.  people keep searching on ‘London cat lady’ which worries me.  and I love that photo of her

In another 19 years I’ll be 57 and that seems REALLY old – although younger than my parents are, and that doesn’t particularly seem to be that old – considering they’re so childish.

I’m not sure whether it’s just because of my ongoing insomnia, but I am feeling a lot older than I am at the moment.  I don’t like that – I like feeling younger than my years.  I think I just need a few good night’s sleep and then I’ll be fine!  Or (more likely) I need a holiday, which I haven’t had for a LONG time.  I even tried looking for a holiday for the three of us next summer, and gave up because looking for a holiday was stressing me out!

Anyway – 19 years ago today, I got married.  I had a proper meringue dress and a Zandra Rhodes headdress and a blue garter and a gorgeous bridesmaid and a beautiful 1932 Daimler and I sat on my bed before I left my parent’s house and asked God to forgive me for what I was about to do as I knew it was terribly wrong.

He was (and still is) a lovely guy…but he was always just too , I dunno, ‘straight’ for me.  Quite proper.  Good stock and all that, nice bloke, intelligent, absolutely gorgeous looking but very very ‘straight’.  I was a bit too naughty and rebellious for him.  Something had to give.  He ironed his socks FFS!

I ended up with him because I was running away.  But that is another story.

Today, I will ponder over half my life.  And then hopefully I will sleep!

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